DOUGLAS

Last summer, I enrolled myself in MUS 202, a music history class, with no great expectations. I was simply glad to be in school again. That class turned into something greater than I ever thought it could be. The instructor, Dr. Douglas Bush, was eternally passionate, not just about music history, but the literature and art that went along side it. He spoke softly, taking time to think through his words, delicately talking about Bach and Milton among others. The holiness of the history filled the room. Music 202 became a holy experience.

About six weeks after the term ended, Dr. Bush passed away. 

Life hasn't dealt me a lot of experience with death quite yet. While I am grateful for that, I also find I lack a lot of empathy when others are faced with the loss of loved ones. Even though I wasn't at all close to Dr. Bush, I felt incredibly influenced by his goodness and his passion. 

I didn't realize his influence until I realized I wouldn't have the opportunity to greet him as he walked down the halls, or hear him play the organ. I also didn't realize his affect would be so long lasting until a woman at my work told me that Classical 89 was hosting an Organ Concert in his honor.

My heart melted a bit.

Anyways, I'm writing all of this to demonstrate how amazing people are, how amazing the plan is, how wonderful it is that I can feel love for a person like this. 

Life is wonderful.

PEOPLE WHO NEED PEOPLE

People,

People who need people

Are the luckiest people in the world.

We're children needing other children.

And yet letting our grown-up pride

Hide all the need inside.

Acting more like children than children.

This song never ceases to send tingles straight to my heart. 

You know what else constantly touches my heart...?

You. 

People. 

Real, live people. 

I am going to make an effort to blog about the incredible people that make my hairs stand on end.

NAKED

Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to participate in an Alexander Technique (voice stuff) Masterclass. It was life changing. I wish I could put the experience into words. Imagine being stripped of all cautionary behavior, wearing your fears on your sleeves, and dissolving all of your walls. That is what I experienced. I felt more like myself, more awesome, than I have ever felt in my life.

With tears in my eyes, I sang with my heart, my whole heart, and I was told it was more striking than anything I had done before. I felt pure and unadulterated. I wish I could be like that all the time. From now on, I plan to dedicate my life and career to doing just that - purifying mine and others' lives.

It is amazing what connecting with human beings can do to you. Vulnerability is incredible. I think I will post a video of my experience soon. But I will have to watch it first. Until then, enjoy this ted talk from Brene Brown about vulnerability. Your mind will be blown.

ON BEING AN AWESOME RM

Growing up, I listened to countless farewells and homecomings and was a firsthand witness of the changes that serving a mission causes. Thanks to a plenitude of homecoming talks and lack of real-life mission experiences, I grew up believing that an awesome missionary = someone who was exactly obedient, learned how to constantly commune with the Lord, memorized all scriptures, knew the doctrine perfectly, had this burning desire to climb every mountain and share their testimony with everyone they saw, baptized a lot, followed the spirit every moment of every day, and learned every other thing that a missionary is "supposed" to learn on their mission. These were only some of the things that I thought would qualify me as an awesome missionary. I bet that you were once or still are subject to some of these expectations as well. Don't lie. You know what I'm talking about.

When I left on my mission, I realized very quickly what a lie all of this was. But it was difficult to morph my expectations. 18 months later, I stood in front of hundreds of friends and family and spoke about my experiences as a missionary. I was still ashamed that I hadn't become a true "return missionary" because I wasn't in constant communion with God, or I still hadn't mastered scriptures or prayer or even developed a fiery desire to stop everyone I saw and drag them to a baptismal font. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!? Why wasn't I THE returned missionary that I had always admired growing up. I LEARNED ALL THE WRONG THINGS!!!!

Now, it's 8 months later and I am finally beginning to realize that I was an Awesome Missionary, and I am now an Awesome Returned Missionary (ARM). Maybe I didn't have picture perfect lessons, 10+ baptisms, and maybe I didn't learn how to receive answers to prayer. But that's not what matters. What matters is that I learned something - no matter how strange or unexpected. That's what makes me an ARM, and nobody can tell me otherwise.

Don't let yourself believe that you are not Awesome when your experiences are not the same as everyone else's. You are awesome. Period.

FEEL THE AWESOME

Feeling Awesome is... Wearing your old lady night gown to bed. Eating deep fried sushi. Reading books before you fall asleep. Praying with roommates. Getting a new car and feeling free. Letting your roommates dress you. Finding a new outfit. Lying on the floor.