RECOVERY & DISCOVERY

When it comes to mental illness, I feel like the words recovery and discovery are basically interchangeable. This year has been a recovery/discovery year. I owe the progress I made this year to a lot of things, but mainly a great therapist, figuring out my meds weren't helping, and moving to Texas.  

Healing doesn't mean returning to the way things were. Almost all healing leaves a scar. Beauty scars. 

One of the methods I've used to fight my Obsession with perfection is running in the other direction. That means, since being officially diagnosed, I quit making lists. And with the lists went a lot of other good habits, such as being on time, prepared, organized, and committed. It's not for everyone, but that was how I survived my mission and the last 4 years. 

Now that I've got a lot of things worked out, my lack of preparation and productivity is no long purposeful. I haven't returned to my lists out of 50% fear and 50% laziness. So every day, I am going to overcome both my fear and laziness. 

New things and relapses may happen, or they may not. But no matter what, I will consider myself a survivor of mental illness. My scars sometimes seem ugly to me, but in reality, they are a beautiful part of who I have become. And I won't ever forget how I got to this point.